i am pissed

that was the subject line of my post on whiteblaze today.

why? the story.

while we were all eating our blackeyed peas and greens, or whatever your tradition, meredith was fighting for her life ... in a place i love. a place i trust.

i wrote this email to a fellow hiker. someone who too knows what it's like on blood mtn.

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yes. the story about the hiker pisses me off. it pisses me off on so many levels.

she chose to spend her new years day doing something she loved ... hiking with her dog. so many people kick off the new year with a nice walk somewhere pretty, or a hike on blood mtn.

she did not choose to die that day.

though morbid, i wonder at what moment she thought, "shit, he's going to kill me." ? "fuck, this is IT." all those fleeting thoughts of life, plans, what tomorrow could bring, appts. the following week, friends, family, her dog, etc .....

i wonder a lot about those fleeting thoughts. the point of no return. it's just awful.

i hate it too ... being at the right place, at the wrong time. but, it can happen anywhere. it just takes being in the right place at the wrong time. that moment when you're near someone that thinks "hey, i'm going to do it". someone that means you harm. and it has nothing to do with who or what you are ... you're just a body that they think/know they can overcome, fulfilling that need to hurt or kill. i HATE it!

i hate how it unnerves my sense of security, whether on the AT or hiking in umstead alone, or out at the lake that has a paved greenway around it. i don't want to feel like a target.

and you can't judge a book by its cover. she was last seen talking with this sketchy fucker. that put him under suspicion. but sketchy looking people are a dime a dozen on the trail. you remember 'doc (holiday?)' ... not your typical hiker. but his intentions and heart seemed in the right place. but we didn't really "know" him. we didn't really "know" anyone. you just let yourself trust. what do you do? trust or live in fear? you don't always get a 'bad vibe' from bad people. some people continue to snow others, one after another .....

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i am still pissed. immensely saddened.